Help! i’m lusting after my husband’s closest friend

My husband and I are happy in our marriage. We have two little girls and a satisfactory sex life.
Lately however, I’ve found myself fantasizing about other men, particularly my husband’s closest friend. He’s recently been separated from his wife and I find myself thinking about him all the time. I even become jealous when he talks about women he fancies. Is this a symptom of deeper problems in my marriage? I’m thinking of having a bite of this particular forbidden fruit! Yinka,by e-mail. Dear Yinka, Your wondering eyes are not at all unusual, it is completely normal. As a matter of fact, the most virtuous, faithful, pure-minded woman can’t control her thought and lust all of the time because part of a woman’s make-up is a very strong sex drive. Don’t, under any circumstance, let guilt pressure you into irrational, possibly damaging actions, including your jumping into bed with this man simply because you find him sexually appetizing! Whatever you do, don’t tell your husband about your attraction to other men or give him any reason to suspect you’re lusting after one. It would be irksome to both of you if he became anxious or jealous because of your revelations. It would certainly disrupt his relationship with his friend. Any flirting between you and your husband’s friend must be kept under control. It is natural for you to warm to him and enjoy his affection, but know where to draw the line. Warmth between two people does not have to end in sex.

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My friends want me to sleep with an older woman

Aunty Julie, All my friends are always telling me that I should try having sex with a lady who is ten years older than me or more. I am 27 years old and my sexual partners have always been my own age-mates or those younger than me. Personally, I don’t fancy the thought of going to bed with an older woman, even though my friends tell me that I would learn a lot and would enjoy the experience. What do you think? I really can’t bring myself to have sex with an older person. Am I abnormal or do you think I am right? Have you ever come across this type of problem before and, if so, what have you advised the people to do? Ken, Edo Dear Ken, Perhaps, what your friends are trying to say is that many people believe that there are advantages to a younger man dating an older woman. There are a few historic tales of older women indoctrinating younger men into the world of sexuality. Some of the stories are as ancient as the gods, whereas others are modern love stories of lust and woe. Many believe (and in some cases it may be true) that older women have more sexual experience, that they have a more varied sexual repertoire, and that they will appreciate a youthful admirer. Sexual experience aside, different people are turned on by different things. One way to find out what floats your boat is to try different things, but that’s not the only way. There are plenty of sexual activities (or partners) that you probably don’t need to try in order to anticipate whether or not you’d be into it. It sounds like you know what turns you on, and what you find arousing. If it goes against your grain to be turned on by an older woman, then it makes no sense to try the experience. What works for your friends may not work for you. After all, there are as many different sexual needs and desires as there are people. Most importantly, don’t participate in any sexual activity with which you are not comfortable. There are many other ways to be sexually fulfilled that will be more palatable to your personal tastes. If it bothers you that you are not interested in sleeping with this woman (or older women in general), or if you are simply introspective and curious about yourself, it may be worth spending some time thinking about what it is about sleeping with people your age or younger that you find most appealing. What is your upper limit in terms of age? Or your lower limit? People have different reasons for their age preferences. For example, some people prefer to only have sex with someone that they could see themselves connecting with outside the bedroom. Some feel that a large age difference means being in different life stages and thus not able to connect as deeply. Other people find that they connect more with people older than them. Your feelings about age may be about your sexual desires, or age may have some other, perhaps deeper meaning to you. Exploring this with a trusted confidant may be helpful or interesting to you, as well. But whatever your reasons, know there is nothing “abnormal” about having some limits about age, even if those limits are different from others around you.

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NDDC owes contractors N450 billion —Semenitari

THE Acting Managing Director, Niger Delta Development Commission, NDDC, Mrs. Ibim Semenitari, weekend, said the biggest challenge she was facing since assumption of office, was the fact that “we are owing so many people.” Mrs. Semenitari disclosed this on Sunday when she featured on the News Agency of Nigeria Forum in Abuja. She said the commission owed more than 8,600 contractors between N400 billion and N450 billion when she assumed office, but about 600 of them had been paid by her administration. According to her, the paucity of funds coupled with the public perception of the commission became sources of concern for the management of NDDC. She, however, said that the commission had to deal with both challenges and reinvigorate the workforce to be able to get to its present state. Semenitari said: “That is a lot of money. So, the first challenge was, we had so many contracts and and so much debt, so there was a big hole right there. The second was the perception problem. The commission was perceived, rightly or wrongly, as a place you just come, take your own share and go. It was also perceived to be a corrupt place. And we also had to deal with the need to professionalise the workforce basically in terms of how you reposition the people. Also, we had to reinvigorate the workforce so that people would have a sense of freshness and a sense of new challenges because we can get people back on track.” She assured that better days would come for the commission by the time its funding partners paid up the amount they were owing, noting that with payment of the outstanding money, the projects the commission was handling would become visible. She added that the late passage of the budget of the commission had hampered proper planning and proper management of the commission.  

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Women as expendables

AS is usually the case with teenagers leaving home for the first time, when I went to the university, I was adventurous. During my first semester holidays, rather than go home in Lagos, I went  with my new found friend, Edmond Enaibe whose home was in Port Harcourt. From Port, I travelled to my ancestral home, Patani to see my maternal grandmother.  There was no East-West Road in those days, and a journey from Port Harcourt included going by road, crossing a river by boat, and completing the journey through bush paths by motorcycle. Of course, there was no cellular phone. Although Patani had a telephone exchange, in almost all cases, you had to go to its office to make or receive calls. So I arrived unannounced. Next day,I must have woken up by 5am and was surprised  my grandmother  had gone fishing on the Forcados River.  She  left a message that my breakfast was in the kitchen. Some hours later, she was back with her catch which she dropped on her way to the farm. In the afternoon,  she returned, prepared lunch, and was soon on her way to the market to sell her farm products. I was to discover that this was her daily routine. She was no young woman, and I asked how she coped. A smile played around her lips; this has been her pattern since  teenage hood. That was before she got married; before my mother was born! In my tribute to my mother when she passed away on April 3, 2013, I wrote: “Even as a child, I thought I knew her suffering; she was typical of many mothers in those days when I was growing up in Obalende, Lagos; they woke before cock crow and you never knew when they retired to bed. They were engaged in all sorts of trade and a seemingly endless race to make ends meet… I developed my pro-women advocacy from watching our mothers struggling to ensure a better future for their families, especially we their children.” Women are the bedrock of the home; they hold the family together and guarantee our collective  future. That is why the slogan ‘Build a woman, build a Nation’ is a truism. Any conscious   country would not only fanatically protect children, but would give the girl-child special attention in upbringing, training and education. These are my beliefs; you can therefore imagine my pain when under-aged girls in our country are being kidnapped, raped and sometimes impregnated by adults known to law.  I believe in the right of everybody to hold his or her own opinion, and I am ready to engage in debates. But I am not sure I will have the patience to debate with any human being who rationalise such criminality under the guise of tradition, culture, religion  or protection of his ethnicity. As I write, there are still children under such bondage and I think the first steps should be their rescue and the sack of all officials including police, security  and staff of the National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP) who are found to have been negligent in rescuing victims and bringing culprits to book. There is the case of  Miss Lucy Ejeh, who was a 15-year old pupil of Government Girls’ College, Talata Mafara, Zamfara State  when she was abducted on October 31, 2009.  She was found three days later in the house of an adult, Alhaji Awaisu and all efforts by her  father, Mr. David Ejeh  to secure her freedom failed. He said he wrote NAPTIP on November 13, 2009, and in seven years, the agency has failed. On January 28, 2010 he  petitioned  the Office of the Inspector General of Police (IGP) Mr. Ejeh has a copy of this petition with the  acknowledgement stamp of the IGP’s office dated February 3, 2010; in over five years, the highest police authority in the land is unable to rescue a girl whose location  and abductor is known! In a country with the Child Right Act, a constitution that provides 18 as the age of consent and laws against abduction and kidnapping, it is criminal for such cases to drag on. There is no  fundamental difference between a girl like Ese Oruru being kidnapped and forced into marriage by an individual, and the Chibok girls being  abducted,  married or sold off by a terrorist group like Boko Haram. However, it  is  not all about law and order, it is a mindset that sees the woman as an object, a  toy, a commodity, a necessary part of home furniture which can be acquired legally, or even illegally. It is therefore not surprising that the Senate on March 15, 2016, threw out the “Gender Parity and Prohibition of Violence against Women” bill presented by Senator Abiodun Olujimi,  Ekiti South. The  bill had sought marital equality, education and job rights for women. Thirteen days earlier, while contributing on the floor of the Senate on the need to buy local goods, my friend, Senator Dino Melaye likened women to commercial goods. He said: “ We will also move in order to encourage  the production of made-in-Nigeria products, begin to talk about made-in-Nigeria women…We must as a people stop paying dowries in dollars and pounds. It is time  for my colleagues here to become born-again and start patronising made-in-Nigeria women.” He had actually mentioned a leading politician who  married a non-Nigerian which made his contribution more disagreeable as families should be a ‘no-go-area’ in politics. It is this mindset that would have informed  Senate Leader Ali Ndume making women the butt of jokes. On March 8, 2016, while contributing to  a debate on International Women Day, Senator Ndume said, “As a sign of respect and love for the women, I urge all men, unless their religion prohibits, to marry more than one wife.” Stretching the joke further, Senator Sulaiman Nzif, Bauchi North, seconded the motion. But women are not expendables to be used and discarded; they are no  commodity to be sold or bought off the shelf; they are the mainstay and  guarantee of a sustainable society.

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Chibok girls: Tunde Bakare Cries, saying FG not doing enough

Fiery preacher and Senior Pastor of the Latter Rain Gospel Assembly, Pastor Tunde Bakare yesterday in Abuja, amid tears, chided the Federal Government for doing so little to rescue the 219 Chibok girls abducted two years ago.
Bakare, a former political ally of incumbent president, Muhammadu Buhari spoke yesterday in Abuja at a special sit-out of the #BringBackOurGirls, BBOG. Pastor Bakare berated past and present administrations in the country for their failure to rescue the girls saying; “The whole nation has failed these children.” According to him; “Parents, families and friends of our dear daughters, I am here today not just to speak to you, but to speak to the nation and to the world as one of you. I’m here as a father burdened by the captivity of our daughters, and I am here as a friend. I am here to express our frustrations and to speak of our undying hope as we wait expectantly for the return of our dear Chibok girls. “We are not unmindful that the Nigerian state failed to provide security for our daughters as they gathered to write final examinations despite prior intelligence reports that suggested they were in danger. “It is most severely injurious to see that the fate of our daughters has been frequently politicized. Rather than rise to the occasion as stakeholders and custodians of the security and welfare of the citizens of this nation, political parties and politicians have paid lip service, using our pain and plight of our daughters to score cheap political points. ‘’We are not convinced that the matter of our daughters has been given the needed thoughtfulness. “We do not believe that those who are in a position to act have taken sufficient actions towards addressing the issue or even towards claiming our anxiety as waiting parents.” According to him, the girls would have been rescued if they were children of politicians and renowned pastors. The sit out marked 712 days since the girls have been kidnapped and part of BBOG Global Week of Action to mark the two years anniversary of the abduction. He said that those responsible for the rescue of the girls have not taken sufficient actions in the last two years that the girls have been abducted. “We do not believe those concerned have taken sufficient actions concerning the rescue of these girls”, he said, expressing optimism that the girls would be rescued even as he prayed God to see to that. “We believe that they are still alive, at least no evidence, satellite evidence that they are in a mass grave. We believe they are alive. It remains a scar on the soul of this nation until these girls are brought back,” he said.

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Land dispute: 2 feared dead, village sacked, 3,000 homeless in Otukpo

MAKURDI—Two persons were feared dead, weekend, while close to 3,000 people have fled their homes following a protracted bloody land dispute between inhabitants of Ondo-Ugboju village and Ogobia community all in Otukpo Local Government Area of Benue State. Vanguard learned that the crisis which had lingered over a period of time was a fall-out of disagreements between the locals over the original owners of Ogobia community, a fast developing settlement in the outskirts of Otukpo town. 

According to our source, the  rural dwellers in Ondo-Ugboju had persistently laid claims to Ogobia community and also regarded residents in the area as visitors, who had no rights of sales or permanent ownership of any parcel of land in the town. “That is just the reason for this crisis which led to yesterday’s killing of the two young men, who were engaged by the Otukpo Caretaker Chairman, Ijachi Udeh, to work in his site at Ondo-Ugboju.” Continuing, the source said: “For a very long time the people of Ondo-Ugboju have continually claimed that they owned Ogobia town and that those residing there were visitors. “They also claimed that the ‘visitors’ in Ogobia were selling parcels of land without authorization from the original owners of the area warning that any further sales would be resisted. “However the claims and threats were resisted by the inhabitants of the fast growing community which is less that 20 minutes drive from Otukpo town. They also claim ownership of the area. “Their resistance led to this dispute which has lingered over time resulting in the death of innocent lives and sacking of over 3,000 inhabitants of Ondo-Ugboju, rendered homeless.” Though the Otukpo Caretaker Chairman could not be reached on phone, the Benue State Police Public Relations Officer, PPRO, Assistant Superintendent, ASP, Moses Yamu, who confirmed the development, said the matter was being investigated and arrests being made.

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IPOB, Igbo youths, women fault DSS claim on killing of northerners.

Enugu—The Indigenous People of Biafra, IPOB, Igbo Youths Movement, IYM and the Igbo Women Association, IWA, yesterday denied the claim by the Department of State Services, DSS, that five northerners were killed and buried in a forest in Abia State, saying that it was a ploy by the Federal Government to engineer another round of mass killing of Igbo in the north. They made this known in three separate statements made available to Vanguard in Enugu, adding that it was “not in the character of IPOB as a non-violent organization to kill innocent people.”

According to them, the Federal Government, “with a predetermined agenda to cloak IPOB in the garment of violent organisation deliberately designed such propaganda in order to ignite ethnic cleansing.” Another plot to kill Kanu Also yesterday, the Indigenous People of Biafra, IPOB, again alleged that it has uncovered another plan by the All Progressives Congress, APC-led Federal Government to assassinate its leader, Mr. Nnamdi Kanu, in Kuje Prison through the help of Boko Haram detainees. IPOB, in a statement by its Media and Publicity Officer, Mr Emma Powerful, said the Federal Government, the Department of State Services, DSS and officials of Kuje Prison held a meeting where they agreed that they will use Boko Haram detainees to eliminate Mr. Kanu. IPOB said: “In the meeting, they agreed to use some acclaimed Boko Haram leaders who were arrested and kept in an unknown prison but will be brought to Kuje prison after being taken to court, where they will be remanded in the same prison with Mr Kanu and be given weapons to attack him and claim he insulted them which led to physical combat that claimed his life. “Another game plan, according to our intelligence arm, revealed that the Boko Haram fighters will break into where Mr Kanu is presently being detained in Kuje prison to assassinate him by strangling him to death and afterward, escaping from the prison and then government will claim that the Boko Haram attacked the prison to free their members who were detained in the masterminded jail break,” said IPOB. The IPOB therefore said it wish to alert the world the latest plan by the APC led government before they carry out their hatched plans, so that they will not be deceived by the lies being peddled by the Federal Government against IPOB and its leader. IPOB’s statement jointly signed by its spokespersons, Mr. Emma Mmezu and Dr. Clifford Iroanya read, “On Saturday May 11, May 1953, hordes of organised crowd swooped on Easterners in Kano and killed 206 of them in cold blood. They were inspired by a hate speech and false accusation levied on all on Easterners in Kano by one Mallam Inua Wada. He claimed that Easterners booed Northern parliamentarian in Lagos. “He was wrong. He mistook Samuel Akintola for an Easterner. Akintola cancelled his planned trip to campaign in Kano on May 16, 1953. Inua Wada’s propaganda led to ethnic cleansing in Kano on May 16, 1953. “Exactly 50 years ago, meetings were held in the hostel of the Institute of Administration Zaria (now Ahmadu Bello University, ABU). Easterners were blamed for every wrong in Nigeria. The propaganda worked so well in preparing grounds for the horrendous three wave genocidal pogrom in 1966. “On December 10, 2014, a well-orchestrated propaganda in Kano that Ndigbo were responsible for the Kanti Kwan Market suicide bombing were so effectively spread, that Easterners were forced to leave Kano in droves. Luckily, the confession of 12 year-old Zarau Babangida that she refused to detonate her explosives… she went on to tell the world how her own father handed her over to the Boko Haram in Bauchi… “God used her confession to foil the plots of those who planned to incite a pogrom in Kano in December 2014 so Easterners will be driven away just before the presidential elections. “Yesterday, the DSS announced that IPOB killed five northerners and buried them in a forest near Aba. Again, it is clear for even toddlers to see the game plan here. A government with a predetermined agenda to cloak IPOB in the garment of violent organisation deliberately designed such a cheap propaganda in order to ignite ethnic cleansing. This very cheap blackmail by the DSS is idiotic and unintelligent. “First, it is not in our character to kill innocent live in cold blood. Second, we assure the DSS and their cohorts that the day we will decide to go violent, the whole world will know, like we did in 1967. Thirdly, five northerners do not make up for 218 IPOB men and women murdered in cold blood between November 2015 and February 2016. “If we were to declare war, we will begin by killing at least 5,000 people, not just five. Finally, nobody in his/her right senses will take the DSS serious, until they are able to prove how, where, when and why IPOB killed five people and the DSS. The same DSS which could not locate the corpses of over 500 Agatu civilians, suddenly located the five people allegedly IPOB killed. “The reason the DSS are riding on the intelligence of Nigerians, is probably because, they believe Nigerians are a bunch of idiots who would believe anything. We assure the DSS that their plot to incite blood shed may well come to pass, but when it happens, we will be the first to announce to the world why we finally took up arms. This false accusation by the DSS is a very cheap blackmail, nobody would believe.” Also, the Igbo Women Assembly, IWA, in a statement signed by its Leader, Chief (Mrs.) Mariah Okwor stated: “IWA condemns in no uncertain terms the clearly false allegation by the DSS that IPOB killed five northerners and buried them in a forest in Aba. This calculated blackmail is probably plotted to give IPOB a bad name. IPOB has never been and cannot transform into a violent organisation. “IPOB is a mass movement of millions of eastern youths, who are frustrated and disenchanted with Nigeria as presently structured. Those who came up with this spurious accusation, had better look for a better story to tell. “The IWA knows that the extra- judicial killing of these unarmed IPOB youths, which could have radicalised them in turning violent, did not achieve that; therefore, we  do not believe that the age old brigandage of Fulani herdsmen would now turn IPOB into murderers    overnight. Nobody believes the DSS funny story. Also, reacting to the allegation, the Igbo Youths Movement, IYM, said that it would have ignored the DSS allegations, but for the grave implication it portends. In a statement signed by the IYM Founder and Secretary of Igbo Leaders of Thought, Evangelist Elliot Uko, the youths, said, “After careful enquiries from IPOB leaders, we stand by their story, that IPOB will never come down low to kill innocent people in cold blood. “Therefore, the IYM pleads with the DSS to make public the IPOB members who killed this five northerners, the circumstances of their death, venue, date and event that led to their killing. Unless the DSS avails Nigerians with a detailed account, we find it extremely difficult to believe this very strange story.” Another plot to kill Kanu Also yesterday, the Indigenous People of Biafra, IPOB, again alleged it has uncovered another plans by the All Progressives Congress, APC, led Federal Government of Nigeria to assassinate their leader Mr. Nnamdi Kanu in Kuje Prison through the help of Boko Haram detainees. IPOB in a statement signed by its Media and Publicity Officer Mr Emma Powerful, said that the Federal Government, the Department of State Services, DSS and the officials of the Kuje prisons held a meeting where they agreed that they will use the Boko Haram detainees to eliminate Mr. Kanu. “In the meeting they agreed to use some acclaimed Boko Haram leaders who were arrested and kept in an unknown prison, and will be brought to Kuje Prison after being taken to court, where they will be remanded in the same prison with Mr Kanu and will be given weapons to attack him claim he insulted them which led to physical combat that claimed his life. “Another game plan according to our intelligence arm revealed that the Boko Haram fighters will break the prison where Mazi Kanu is presently detained in Kuje to assassinate him through strangling him to death and escape from the prison and then government will claim that the Boko Haram attacked the prison to free their member who were detained in Kuje prison in the masterminded jail break” said IPOB. The IPOB therefore said it wish to alert the world the latest plan by the APC led government before they carry out their hatched plans, so that they will not be deceived by the lies being peddled by the Federal Government against IPOB and its leader.

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Queen’s College: Controversy over alleged harassment of JSS 2 female student

THE controversy surrounding the alleged sexual harassment of a JSS 11 student at Queen’s College (QC), Yaba, Lagos, by a male teacher remained unresolved days after the issue was posted online by the mother of the student.

Daily Sun gathered that the college management, the Parent Teacher Association and even the police do not have record of any reported sexual harassment by the mother. The matter took a new twist as the college management set up a panel to look into the issue.

Days after the mother raised the alarm, the identity of the JSS 11 student remained unknown even as her colleagues claimed they neither know the female student nor were they aware of the incident.

Our Correspondent also discovered that the identity of the woman who raised the alarm remained a mystery as nobody has come forward to claim responsiblility for the online story.

The PTA which the complainant belonged says it does not have any report from a member about her daughter being harassed by the male teacher. Since Saturday, the allegation of sexual harassment of a JSS 11 female student.

On Monday, QC students in SSS111 numbering over 120 staged a protest within the college in support of the embattled teacher while some old students who he taught also carried out a protest in front of the college gate condemning the allegation.

Daily Sun learnt from a teacher that the principal of the college and the teacher were invited by the Commissioner of Police Lagos Command but could not say whether the faceless parent (woman) was also invited for questioning by the police boss.

Addressing newsmen on the allege sexual harassment, the chairman, Parent-Teacher Association of the college, Mrs. Beatrice Akhetuamen, said the school authorities on reading the report online swung into action ‘’even though we are yet to receive any official report, oral or written, from any parent or student to that effect.’’

She said: ‘’The college has set up an investigation panel comprising some Vice Principals, PTA chairman and senior boarding house mistress, to look into the accusation levelled in the online report.

‘’At the centre of these accusation is Mr. Osifala, a male staff of the college, who does not live in the college. In the write-up, the aggrieved parent mentioned that she had made an oral report to our Vice Principals, Mrs. Njoku and  Mrs. Kayode. As at the time of making this report, both staff have not received any parent with such allegations. Neither had I as the PTA chairman nor the Principal received any.’’

Akhetuamen explained that QC is committed to providing a conducive environment without any hindrances whatever for students and staff noting ‘’the different management that had served in the college have spent decades building a good reputation for the college as one of the leading colleges in Nigeria.

According to her, the college would go to extra length to protect the hard earned reputation warning that if any staff is found to be guilty, he  or she would be presented to relevant authorities.

She stated that QC is particular about safety of the students and teachers adding that in September 2014, the PTA invested in CCTV cameras situated in strategic parts of the college. ‘’We assure you that we will get to the root of this matter, the PTA boss noted.’’

She took newsmen round the female hostels which showed that the toilets are located inside the building contrary to the woman who said the daughter was harassed outside and asked that since the college do not allow students to use phone, how did the JSS pupil call her mother around 11pm.

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Three undergraduates butchered in cult war

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Three persons were at the weekend, confirmed dead following a renewed cult war in the Bayelsa State owned University, the Niger Delta University, Ammassoma in Southern Ijaw area of the State.

The deceased were  suspected to be students of the Engineering and English departments of the University.

According to investigations  though the incident occurred outside the campus of the institution fear has gripped students.

While one of the deceased students was identified as a 400 level student of Engineering, the other two were students of the English Department.

The deceased  400 level Engineering student was butchered with machete with his left arm severed.

Two other victims who were also butchered  were discovered in the community river behind the school in the pool of their blood.

The Spokesman of the State Police‎ Command, Asimin Butswat, who confirmed the incident noted however that he is yet to get signal from the Ammassoma Division of the State Police command on the full details of the incident

Meanwhile, a coalition of Human rights Advocacy groups, made up of the Zonal Human Rights Initiative (ZUHURI) and the Civil Liberties Organisation (CLO) have expressed concern over the recent cases of violence in the University community including the failed attempt to bomb a bank.

‎According to the statement issued in Yenagoa at the weekend, the National Coordinator of ZUHURI, Comrade Gbarikumo Gbasa, accused the traditional institutions and Community leadership of failing in their duties to give purposeful leadership.

According to Gbasa, ” the persistent violent crimes in Ammassoma community including the attempt to rob a bank in the area is due to the failure of the community leaders.”

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